Monday, January 27, 2014

I'm back

Sorry I've been away for quite a while.

Those who need to have my email: please leave yours written in the comments.
I won't publish yours unless you're spamming me.

As most of my readers know I have been caring for a large family with 4 kids with special needs for a long time without any vacation.
I didn't mind, as I considered it to be my task in life.
I cared for my grandmother until she went in a home at a very old age, a few years before I married and got children. So it was a kind of ongoing theme in my life.

Apart from that I had to deal with quite some bad karma of others or a life I don't know, as I have started to call it.
I have a clean conscience, but one way or another got dragged in the mistakes of other people and caught up in the whirlwind it all caused.
The stress proved too much.

Without realising I was developing a serious heartproblem I went on putting the wellbeing of others first, ascribing symptoms to my asthma.
My health was deteriorating so bad that I started to arrange matters for my death.

A bad pneumonia made me go to our family physician. He asked a longspecialist for advice and she called me in. It turned out I have some strange things going on in my lungs.
She send me off to a cardiologist after she found something seriously wrong on an ECG.
Well, at the moment I was at the cardiology department for an echo, straight during the echo, my heartfunction was almost nothing. I was admitted to hospital straightaway, put on a monitor and went through a whole lot of diagnostic procedures. The cardiologist couldn't do anything else but give me lots of medication.

Now he states that he doesn't understand how I survived, as all others who arrive in hospital in the same condition have died.

I quickly regained most of my health, but recently it took a turn worse. My bloodpressure went far too high even though I was taking all the right meds.

So now I'm having the last pills available for the problem.
I've lost more than 30 kg in weight.
Eat and act healthy.
There's not much more we can do.

I feel the moment has arrived that I have to balance wellbeing, health and medication carefully.
It's like being sliding on a slope with a weight that helps to feel better but which also pulls you down to the edge of the rocks above a deep valley.

What a blessing I've already been living mindful before the whole concept even was (re-)invented in modern times.
So I try not to worry, but prepare.

Will you be walking this last part of my path with me?

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