Monday, August 23, 2010

How we live through a difficult time

Some people have asked how we deal as a family with the crisis we're going through.

I'll try to explain.

Right now we don't feel it to be a crisis, but we've gone through hours of sadness and other emotions and I expect we'll be stressed next wednesday.

So giving the right words to the situation helps.

People have created their own perception of our family, their own reality, based on their own past and a lot more we don't know.

At first we were angry, especially at a person who painted a very untrue pictures of our daughters, but soon we realised that even though we don't agree and our friends don't recognise the pictures he painted, he probably thinks he's right.
So in a way he doesn't have more knowledge, and the anger went away.
He won't be our friend, but we won't spend energy on what he did.
He has created his own karma by telling tales about my daughters, it's not up to us to force that upon him.

But we filed a complaint against him at school to stop him doing this again to someone else.

Upon his statements other people have created a more eleborate picture of our family, and they've made choices based on a lack of listening properly, projections based on their past and fears, on arrogance and self-complacency and on the wish to get financial gain. Their intentions were not honorable, even though they might tell that to themselves.

We did what we could to show and tell them who we really are, but they made a conscious choice to cling to their own writings.
These were filed to open a courtcase against us for bad parenting.
Ofcourse it scared the hell out of us as a first reaction, but then we remembered the 6 perfections:
  • giving, 
  • ethics, 
  • patience, 
  • joyous effort, 
  • concentration
  • wisdom
Especially the perfection of patience seemed to be important:
  • Having patience in understanding Dharma and gaining faith.
  • Being undisturbed by anguish from suffering.
  • Practise patience before getting angry.
  • Having patience in accepting problems.
  • Being undisturbed by inflicted harm.
We realised that trying to give us a bad name is not our action, but theirs.
We have not changed at all, we're still the good and happy family we were, so we should carry on doing what we think is right.
Maybe that radiates and wednesday it shows who we are, and people with wisdom and a good observation skills will see that what we say against the writings is the truth.
We don't need to feel uneasy, because we have nothing to hide. We can be calm and OK.

Today is a calm and quiet day in the home.
Outside a storm is raging.
Nature couldn't have made a better statement of the situation here.

Ofcourse we prepare ourselves for wednesday.
But what has been done is done and is in the past.
We know we're OK and we've done metta meditations, so we can keep working with those who want to bring us down. We won't feel hatred or aggression. Those emotions trouble the mind.
We'll see what happen and try to trust the judge. Somewhere along the line there must be someone who'll see sense.

At first I felt nervous about the consequences of such a bad image of our family.
They wanted to forces all sorts of therapies upon us which were canons shoting at a sandcorn.
One of those therapies might even be harmfull on normal healthy children, so I didn't like that at all.
All I said was: go and get your indication done. (Every therapy needs a certain kind of person or group to have the greatest effect. No matter what they would say, they would never be able to fit us in.)
They turned down their request. Didn't change anything else, but changed that.

Whatever happens wednesday... whatever is said about us, we are still the same good people.
The consequences might interfere with family life for a while, but a broken laundrymachine has the same effect. It costs time too.

So we just see what's going to happen.

After finishing this answer I found this text.
Isn't it perfect?


by Thich Nhat Hanh

Promise me,
promise me this day,
promise me now,
while the sun is overhead
exactly at the zenith,
promise me:
Even as they strike you down
with a mountain of hatred and violence;
even as they step on you and crush you like a worm,
even as they dismember and disembowel you,
remember, brother, remember:
man is not your enemy.
The only thing worthy of you is compassion --
invincible, limitless, unconditional.
Hatred will never let you face the beast in man.
One day, when you face this beast alone,
with your courage intact, your eyes kind, untroubled
(even as no one sees them),
out of your smile will bloom a flower.
And those who love you
will behold you
across ten thousands worlds of birth and dying.
Alone again,
I will go on with bent head,
knowing that love has become eternal.
On the long, rough road,
the sun and the moon
will continue to shine.

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